A Walk In The Park
I could see Jack as I exited my cruiser. It was a crisp late fall day, and he looked like anyone enjoying the midday sunshine. On the exterior, there was no indication that anything was wrong. Jack was dressed appropriately for the weather. His clothes appeared clean, and he seemed to be in good health. Only when I got closer could I see the tear tracks on his cheeks. Jack was crying.
Jack’s crying brought me here; he had been sitting here for a few hours. A passerby had become concerned for Jack’s well-being and had called the police. As I approached, I tried not to startle Jack. Beyond the crying, my first impression was that Jack looked lost. When I got close enough that I thought Jack could hear me, I spoke but kept my tone soft and comforting.
“Hello, Sir,” I said, giving Jack a small wave. It was the kind of wave you’d give a small child to let them know you’re there but not overwhelm them. Jack nodded in my direction but then returned to staring. He undoubtedly thought I was here doing a routine foot patrol of the park.
I usually introduce myself but decided to try describing what I was seeing instead. Doing so would indicate to Jack that I saw him on more than just a physical level. I could see he was a man struggling. “Are you okay?” I asked. Followed by, “I can see you’re crying. You look sad about something.”
Jack looked down at his hands, and I could see the shift to embarrassment, or maybe it was a shame. “Whatever it is. You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. I’m only here because people are worried about you and want to help. Do you mind if I ask your name?”
“My name is Jack,” he replied.
“Hello, Jack. My name is Officer Sturman, but you can call me Yve if you like,” I said.
“Am I in trouble?” he asked.
“No, Jack, you’re not in trouble. I’m only here because people saw you sitting out here crying for a long time and were concerned about you. Do you mind if I ask what’s making you so sad?”
“The holidays,” Jack replied, getting that sad look back in his eyes.
“The holidays?” I asked.
“Yeah, like Christmas. You know.” Jack replied again.
“I do know. The holidays can be stressful. It’s supposed to be all Norman Rockwell paintings, but it’s hardly ever that simple, is it?”
“No,” Jack replied. “It’s not that simple.”
“What’s making you so sad about Christmas, Jack?” I asked.
“My kids,” Jack replied.
I asked the question I was afraid to ask, but I wanted Jack to know I cared, and whatever was bothering him, I at least hoped to be a good listener to his problems. “Did you lose a child?” I asked Jack.
“No,” Jack replied. Followed by, “But I’m a terrible father.”
“A terrible father?” I asked, confused.
“Yes,” Jack replied. He was leaning over and dropping his face in his hands. “They’re all expecting toys and cheer for Christmas again this year, and I have nothing to give them.”
“What happened, Jack?” I asked.
“I got fired!” Jack exclaimed.
Jack told me he worked the day shift at a local restaurant as a server while his wife cleaned business offices at night. Between the two of them, they could keep a roof over their heads and provide for their two children. But when their youngest daughter became sick with a virus, he was forced to stay home to care for her. His new manager was not sympathetic, and when he arrived late to work a few times, the manager fired him. Christmas was less than a month away. Jack was agonizing about how he would pay the rent and how he would face his kids on Christmas morning.
“Jack, would you mind if I sat down?” I asked, gesturing to the park bench Jack was sitting on.
“Sure,” Jack said, pulling a Kleenex out of his pocket. He had started to cry again.
“Jack, I can’t offer you a job, but I may have a solution to the Christmas problem. Several area churches run programs over the holidays where they purchase items for children whose families can’t afford to buy them those items. It’s possible they could help you out with gifts for your kids at Christmas. The county has several local programs to assist with hiring. I could put you in touch with those resources if you like?”
Some hope started to return to Jack’s face. He told me that he was a senior server at the restaurant he had been fired from and aspired to make management there one day. I told Jack I knew several local restaurants with programs to help employees eventually transition into management roles. Some of them had the benefit of paid time off so he could take his children to appointments when needed. I couldn’t promise anything, but I would give him the contacts.
Jack shook my hand and asked if it was okay for him to remain in the park. I told him he could, but I noted that he had been alone for many hours. It was cold, and I wanted to know if there was someone he could continue to talk to in a warmer environment. Jack again looked embarrassed. I assured Jack that he shouldn’t be ashamed about losing his job, particularly under the circumstances.
I reframed the firing in a way that told Jack he was a responsible parent looking after a child, not a failure, because of a short-sighted manager. Jack eventually agreed and asked to borrow my phone to call his best friend, Benny. Benny arrived and thanked me for talking to Jack. Benny told me they wouldgrab coffee together to continue brainstorming the problem before Jack had to return home to his family and explain what had happened.
A few years later, I saw Jack at a local parade with his family. He got another severe position with a higher pay rate andthe flexibility to care for his family when needed. Even better, he was eventually promoted to assistant manager. He thanked me for seeing him that day and not just walking past him on that park bench or giving him a hard time for crying. He told me howI approached that conversation had given him hope.
In any relationship, you’re either building trust or taking it away. The tools I used to help Jack feel seen and heard, like emotional labeling and active listening, are not challenging to master. Yet, they require practice, timing, and self-awareness, which are not taught in traditional leadership courses. The trust you build with your employees can prove invaluable as your business grows and adapts to ongoing challenges. Join us for a training course and take your leadership skills from ordinary to extraordinary today.